Navigating the journey: parenting kids with special needs.

This week on City Girls Decoded, we’re having a real and heartfelt conversation about navigating the journey of parenting children with special needs. In honor of Developmental Disabilities Awareness Month, we’re shining a light on the families, professionals, and advocates who work every day to support individuals living with developmental disabilities.

Morgan Chanel sits down with her cousin Ashley for an honest discussion about the realities of raising a child on the spectrum—the challenges, the growth, the love, and the strength it takes to show up every day. From navigating diagnoses to finding support systems and celebrating every milestone, this conversation is about understanding, patience, and community.

We also take a moment to recognize the incredible work of parents, teachers, therapists, and behavior interventionists who dedicate their lives to making sure children and adults with developmental disabilities have the support they deserve.

As always, City Girls Decoded keeps it real—because every story matters, every journey looks different, and healing starts with conversation.

💗 Tune in and join the discussion.

— Morgan Chanel

🎙️ City Girls Decoded – where raw conversations meet real growth.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Welcome to the conversation. City girls equity. Let's talk about it. We bring it down. We bring it down. Sitty girls want to get a little bit of a we mummy.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Hey Glow Gitters. Welcome back to City Girls Decoded, the podcast where we keep it real about everything from healing and anything in between. If this is your first time pulling up, welcome to the family. And if you've been rocking with us, you already know the vibes, honest conversations, a little laughter, and some kind of talk. People are scared to have out loud. Before we jump into today's episode, take a second and breathe. I want you to reset. If you got you a drink, go get you a drink. Y'all see, I got my medication. We are, if you don't know, we are a 420 friendly podcast. Meaning, we like to have a little smoke and we like to talk our shit. So yeah, whether you're listening on your way to work, cleaning, sitting in the house, in the car, or just here for a little piece of quiet. Trying to survive your motherfucking Tuesday, bitch. Shout out to City Girl Tuesdays. We see you and we appreciate you being here. Now, if you're caught up, if you caught last week's conversation, you already know we're getting into some real shit. So if you missed it, go running back after this episode. And don't forget to stay connected with us outside of the podcast too. Follow us on Instagram at official mc or at City Girls Decoded on Instagram for more behind the scenes moments and conversations that continue after the mic cuts off. You can also catch all the full episodes at City Girls Decoded Topbusspout.com. All right. So today's conversation is a little different, but it's important nonetheless. We're talking about navigating the journey of parenting with special needs. And we're looking at it from a perspective of a behavioral interventionist, which is me, if some of you guys may not know, I am a behavior, a BI, a BC, behavior therapist, whatever you want to call me. Um I work with children with children with special needs, autism, all different types of neurodiversion disabilities. And later, I'm actually gonna bring on a guest, my cousin Ashley. She she's parenting a son with special needs, and we're gonna talk to her, give her perspective on things, and also we are going to just just talk to her about so many things. I know she got so much things that she would like to talk about, so many, so much information that she could pass on to some of the listeners. I know I have some people out there that are watching that may be parents of children with autism and may feel overwhelmed. Because let me tell you something. Can we talk? I'm gonna highlight y'all for like for real. Can I highlight y'all for a second? Because being an autism parent is not for the weak. Being a special needs parent is not for the weak. It's not, it's not. This is one of those conversations about patience, advocacy, and the kind of love that shows up every single day, even when the things are hard. So grab your coffee, like I said, grab your champagne, your wine, your blunch, your tea, whatever gets you through the day, and let's decode it together. Now, if you are familiar, if you work in the field with autistic kids, if you have a child of autism yourself, then you know, shit can get hectic sometimes. Like, let me tell you something. No shade, no see. My client love herself, she be taking me through there. If you know, you know. Like, if you know, you know, she be taking me through there, and sometimes I get so overwhelmed. Mind you, I'm only with her from three in the afternoon. I mean from from eight in the morning to three in the afternoon school hours, you know. I go with her to school, and it be a lot, it'd be a lot sometimes. I'm not gonna hold you, like it would be a lot, and I get overwhelmed. So I know the mothers, the fathers out there that are dealing with this day to day, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. Shout out to y'all because it it really gets hard. It gets hard out there. And I also want you guys to know that you're not alone. I'm gonna give you guys some tips. So, what I want to get into first is what I actually do, what a behavior intuitionist actually does. Supporting children with developmental behavior developmental behavioral or emotional challenges, helping children build skills like communication, social interactions, and emotional regulations. Also working with teachers, parents, families, and therapists as a team. And I'm sorry, you guys, you know, the noise y'all know, I live in a busy neighborhood, and it's just like we're gonna get it together one day. We're gonna get it together. But thank you for rocking out with me, regardless. You know, I love you guys. But we're really like, but we're really there to understand why the behavior is happening. Also, if you are not getting, if you have a child, especially a child with autism, if you are not receiving ABA services, that is your first step. You need to you need to get your baby a behavior information. This whether it's at school, whether they come to your home, you have to get one. Also, parenting classes. A lot of parents, they need parents in classes because it's a little hard raising a child with a neuro divert, a neurodivergent child. For one, they don't learn the same way a normal quote unquote child would learn, right? So you have to be you have to teach them a little different. Also, you have to be consistent. What I am learning, I've been in the field for about three years now, and what I'm learning is that you have to be consistent, especially when it comes to children with any type of behavioral, you know, like any type of disability, like you have to be consistent because if you are not, they will not learn, like, like, especially like the undesired behaviors that they display. If we don't check it when you're supposed to check it, like all the time, and all this we have to check it all the time, they will not learn. I'm dealing with something right now with with a client that is just, you know, we're trying to get them out of pension and things like that. And I'm just like, you know, I spoke to a parent and asked her, I asked the parent, I said, you know, when the client acts like this at home, what do you do? And they they told me run, and I couldn't believe it. Why would you run from your baby? Now the child thinks that they run you, and that should never be the case. I also feel like you know how like you know, a lot of people tend to think that autism is something that's new. It's not honestly, it's new in the fact that we are scientists are are finding out more about it, but I really truly believe that we may have grown up with autistic cousins, but you know what? Auntie, grandma, mommy treated them all, treated us all the same, you know what I'm saying? And I really believe that you have to, especially when it comes to disciplining your child, don't use the diagnosis as a crutch. It should never be a crutch, it should never be a crutch. I feel like it's just be another hurdle in life that one may have to, you know, go over. And that's fine, but it should never be a crutch. Don't because it's when once those behave, especially once they get older, it is hard to break, to get them out of those. It's hard, it's hard, it is hard. The behaviors, a lot of times, that they display are communications. They're trying to communicate with you, they're trying to tell you something. So you one first you have to figure out what the child is trying to communicate. Secondly, you have to teach them a better way to communicate. You have to teach them a better way to express themselves. A lot of times, they get frustrated, especially when we don't understand what they're saying. And I know parents, it can get frustrating for y'all because you're like, what are you saying? You know, I want to help you, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna give you what you want, but I don't understand, I don't know what you want. I don't know because you're not tiny, and they're trying, but it's honestly it's a process, and if you're trying to do it by yourself, meaning with no like professional help, no clinical help, baby, it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be hard. You have to really want the help. You have to get the baby, get your baby the help. Honestly, I think it's selfish for you parents out there that feel like, oh, I don't want to be talked about. I don't want, you know what I'm saying? I don't want such and such, or I don't want this to be said about me and mine. Fuck what people I gotta say, they don't talk. People are gonna talk regardless, especially in, you know, people are gonna talk. I feel like it's selfish not to get your baby help because you don't want motherfuckers talking about you. Fuck what people gonna say. Because in the long run, you're just setting your baby up for failure in life. You reassuring that your child's quality of life is gonna be shaped because you didn't get them the help that they needed when they were, you know what I'm saying, young. And I also believe that the sooner you correct the behavior, the better the child will go up to the like like honestly, I've seen cases where the child was may have been like severely autistic, nonverbal, like total 180, like turnaround, they talk, you know, that the baby is talking now, and pretty much a regular child. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's a lot of it, moms, dads, it's on you guys. It is, especially you have to advocate for your baby because they can't advocate for themselves. A child might throw something because they can't express that they're overwhelmed. You have to teach them a better way, a better way to say, hey, I'm not feeling well, I'm a little bit overwhelmed right now, you know. Let's fill it back and let's, you know. I don't know. That's just I feel like just get your baby the help. You gotta start there. Start with them ABA services, start with the ABA services, talk to your primary care doctor. They should be able to set you up and put you into put you with the baby's teacher. They can they can uh definitely put you on the right path, get you connected to the right people. It takes a village, it really does, it truly does, and I feel like you have to want the help though, you really do, and like I said before, consistency is important, a routine structure matters, you cannot not like let me say something. I know a lot of times, even with my, you know, with the clients I work with, we get attached, and you know they sweet, lovable, and it's just like you wanna hug on them and love on them and listen at. But when they do, when they display undesirable behaviors, you have to check it, you have to check it every time. That's the only way they're gonna learn. You can't check it sometimes and not check it other times, you know what I'm saying? Like you can't do that because they learn different, you know what I'm saying? You know how like you could tell a normal child, hey, don't do that, you know, they might try it again, but they'll eventually get the point with a new they learn different, you have to keep the structure, it really matters, and it it that helps them. That really does with my client. I am learning to let her like you know, let her know if you don't get, if you don't do what you're supposed to do, if you have a tantrum right now, you cannot, there will be no iPad later because that's uh iPad is one of her reinforcements. There will be no iPad, and she's learning. Of course, she has her days where she's just you know, just like fuck it, and she's just feeling how she's feeling, but she's definitely learning, and we can't do it, like we can't do it. That's my girl. I love my clients, y'all. I really do. That's really that's really, really, really my girl. I can't wait for her to like grow up and do stuff, you know what I'm saying? Like, I can't wait for her to be able to, I just like want to see her graduate high school and just flourish in life. Like I like that's really my girl. I love her, like I love her so much. I feel like when parents, teachers, therapists, when when when we stay consistent, the child progresses faster, like for sure support for the parents. That's a big one. Yeah, I'll be out here scared to talk about your situation, I guess. I don't know what it is. Like I said before, I feel like people are s like don't want to be talked about. Motherfuckers like, oh girl. Get you build you a support system. Get you somebody to talk to. It helps. It gets overwhelming. It gets overwhelming. Let me say something. My client is in a class with I think like maybe eight other students. Nine of the students. Every child don't have a BC. It's one teacher, one T. You know what I'm saying? Like sometimes we need support. Sometimes it's just me. I'm get I get overwhelmed. You know, my my client teacher steps in, and you know, hey, whatever, whatever, help me out. Somehow, help my client, but she just on sometimes she don't care. You know, and that's just what it is sometimes. But the support helps, you know what I'm saying? Get you a support system, sis, bro, whoever, parents, get child support system. Don't be out here just trying to do it all by yourself. I know everybody's strong and you know, like whatever, whatever, but get you a motherfucking support system, girl. Like, it's no need to be out here feeling judged when it comes to your child. That's your baby. You should be wanting, you should want to do anything possible to basically like to get your kid, like to make sure your baby is good, you should want to make sure you good. You gotta be good so your baby can be good. You know what I'm saying? Don't feel judged, it gets overwhelming sometimes. Fuck it. Teaching parents the tools that they can use at home, that's a lot of times I try to tell. And I don't know, hey, I don't know if the parents, that's the thing. When we tell y'all things, y'all have to really implement them. We're not just telling you something to tell you, and I we can tell when you're not doing implementing the you know what I'm saying, like the tools at home because then the behaviors they consist, they don't stop, you know what I'm saying? I just said that with consistency, those behaviors are able to change, and they're able to change faster if you are consistent. When you go home, if I tell you such and such had a bad day at home, I mean at school today, and there should be no such and such such for this amount of minutes or this, you should do that. You shouldn't because the baby is crying, having a tantrum. I know it gets we don't want to hear that, whatever, whatever, but no, eventually they will learn, hey, if I keep acting up in school, I'm not gonna get that i that i you know what I'm saying? I'm not gonna get that iPad, I'm not gonna get that game, I'm not gonna get that doll, I'm not gonna get it, whatever it is. I'm not gonna be able to play with Slam, I'm not gonna be able to go to the movie. Is you have to really be on that one. Excuse me, yeah, like I be getting frustrated too sometimes because I be telling parents stuff and they just be like whatever trying to walk away, and sometimes let me tell you the no shade. I be feeling like, hey, am I doing too much? Am I caring too much? Because it's like a lot of times everyone feeling like the parents only would be caring. I'm gonna care more than a mom's hair, but I just take my job seriously. And I love children, you know what I'm saying? Like especially, you know, kids with like disabilities or autism and you know, just they can't really advocate for themselves. So I really be trying to advocate, especially my clients. I do not let me say something, anybody who knows I do not play about that little girl. Like when she had school, that's my daughter. She can't really sh she can't really talk for herself, so I'ma talk for you. Don't be pushing her, you know what I'm saying? And watch out. No, for real, but I feel like you gotta know your child. Know your baby. Understand what triggers them. What is making them act the way what's what's causing them to display those the the undesired behaviors? Know your baby, get settled on and like I said, they don't communicate like me and you, but they can't communicate. You just have to find out how they're communicating and talk to them, teach them. Yes, no, you know what I'm saying? Let them know right from wrong, like any other child that you can't coddle them because of the disability. Can't you gotta be well? Some common triggers could be sensory overload, communication frustrations, sudden changes in routine, anxiety. Discuss how recognizing patterns can reduce behaviors, like with anybody, like your what's your what's your BT, your therapist, your child's teachers, like ask them, you know what can I do. And like I said, I just can't stress get to know your child, just understanding your baby and what's going on. Well, uh you uh a whole lot more. It really will. Also celebrating progress, not perfection, but progress, right? Because nobody is perfect, not even me. So you can't expect them to be perfect, but when you see progress, you celebrate that. Will my girl do something that she haven't done before? Or is you know, say something new? I I really show her, shower her head with all types of she likes hugs and squeezes, so that's what you know. Hey, ah, she be so yeah, I give her that when she does something. Um be small, but it's meaningful. Things like asking for help instead of melting down, you know what I'm saying? Sitting longer in class, playing with peers. I know a lot of the babies are like that. Sociable, a lot of them don't like gridly. And I be feeling something, let me tell you about I'll be like crawl for you. But celebrate when they when they do interact with peers, celebrate that. Celebrate that um also I wanna address some like misconceptions, some commonness. A lot of people like to say, especially in the black community, oh the child, oh he's just bad. He needed stricter discipline. Sometimes they do the new diversion, but you can stay sometimes at child. Um let me say something. If you feel like something is not right, it's not behind. Speak to your doctor. Speak to your child's doctor any behavior that a child is behaving that is just is this way that it's just not consistent with their age, especially.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

There's usually a deeper reason.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

That's I just feel like I can't stress this enough. Get to know your child. All that iPad shit, YouTube, like y'all, that's a problem. Y'all letting the internet raise these babies. Get to know your fucking get silly on your fucking child, like talking. Understand that.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

See what's going on. I listen on the before we wrap it up and I'm uh bring in my cousin.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

And we want to, you know, we're gonna chop it up with her over with City Girls Decoded IRL in real life. Yeah, we're gonna talk over there with her. Let's talk some, you know, how do you soon? Me and her gonna find we're gonna have a good time, so stay tuned for that. But I'm gonna leave y'all with a few things before we uh get into that. You are your child's biggest advocate.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

Progress also takes time. Celebrate your child for who they are. Love your baby guessing on your baby.

SPEAKER_00 35:14

Also stop being afraid to ask for fucking help. That's what be pissing me off. Cause a lot of y'all be as afraid to ask for help, and the ones that do be afraid to ask for help because they don't want motherfuckers who bitch go to hell. Who gives a fuck? You should not think like that when it comes to your child. That's some sucker shit, no shame on it. That's weird. But anyway, we about to go, we about to talk to Ashley, my cousin, overall city girls, are you around? So City Girls Decoded, where real life meets real conversation. I'm your host, Morgan Chanel, and today we're bringing you a special C DR in real life. See City Girls Decoded in real life segment. We are going to be talking with my cousin Ashley. She is a mom on the show. You know, we love to talk about love, growth, healing, and real life situations that shape who we are. Today's conversation is a little bit more personal. I'm sitting down with someone very close to me, my cousin, like I just said, to talk about the journey of raising a child with special needs. Parenting is parenting is never easy, but when you're navigating doctors, therapy appointments, emotional ups and downs, and advocating for your child every day, the experience can look very different. This conversation is about honesty, strength, patience, and the kind of that shows up even on the hardest days. If you're a parent, caregiver, family member, or someone who just wants a better, a better understanding about the realities families face, this episode is for you. And as always, we appreciate everyone who's been supporting City Girls Decoded. Make sure you follow us on social media and keep the conversation going. So let's get into it. This is City Girls Decoded in Real Life, real stories and real healing. So before I bring my guests on, I just want to let you guys know. Y'all know, like, I work with children with autism. I've been doing it for about three years now. And honestly, I love it. I love my job. It can get stressful, and uh that's just me as someone who gets to go home at the end of the day. I can imagine how it is for the parents, you know. My cousin, I've been watching her for the last nine years. She's a wonderful mom. Doing her, she's been doing her big one. She has three beautiful children. My nephew, he is autistic, and I know she can gets overwhelmed sometimes. And I know a lot of y'all get overwhelmed. So I want to put this episode together just to talk to her, and maybe she could share some things with the listeners, you guys out there. Tell you some things that maybe you were so afraid to ask before, ask other people. Like I said earlier in the episode, you need it. Takes a village, never be afraid to ask for support. But y'all know I start to talk about soak asses today. But let me go ahead and bring my cousin on. Everybody say hello to Ashley. Hey.

SPEAKER_05 40:21

Hi guys.

SPEAKER_00 40:24

Welcome to City Girls Decoded. A new life. So basically, this segment I wanted to put together, I wanted to just interview everyday people. You know what I'm saying? Get your take on everyday situations because I feel like like we all can relate. We all are walking different paths in life, right? But I feel like sometimes like podcasts are overly saturated with like the celebrity interviews, you know what I'm saying? It's like we don't even live the same life as these people, right? Like, what can I really teach me? Like, you know, I'm gonna learn something from real people that you know saying I can really, really relate to. So go ahead and introduce yourself to the people, let them know. Let's know a little bit about you and your story, and you know.

SPEAKER_05 41:18

My name is Ashley. I am 37 years old, and I'm a mom of three. I have a set of twins that they will be 10 in August, and then I have a daughter that just turned 16. One of my twins is special needs, he is autistic and he also was diagnosed with intellectual disability. And it is definitely difficult being a mom to a special needs child. So I just want to put that out there.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

Can you tell us a little bit about your child, my nephew? Because you could let the people I know, you know, I know about Coco, but let the people know about him. Like, tell us some some things about him.

SPEAKER_05 42:07

So, my son legend that is the autistic twin, he's a handful. When I tell y'all he puts the B in bad, my son is literally like a little Tasmanian devil, but you can't help but to love him. He's so cute, he's so smart. But that boy battered in Jesse James. He's also, in addition to being autistic, he's also nonverbal. He got diagnosed with being non-verbal after the pandemic. Prior to the pandemic, he was doing a lot of things that he's not doing now. But yeah, Legend is one of one, and you to know him is to love him, but he don't listen. Coco, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:03

Like, no shade, but like she said, he is so lovable. It's something let me say something, y'all. It's something about them bad autistic kids and the autistic parents know. It's just something about them that I don't know why they so lovable, like they so they just melt your heart. Yeah, it's do. Like my my you know, my my client, she be tearing my arms, my shins, uh. But you know what? When she be asking me for a squeeze, obviously giving her a squeeze because you know what? But I be trying to stay firm because you know we really, you know, like we never really want to encourage the non like the non desired behaviors, right? So it's like kinda it is kind of hard to stand firm sometimes because like it is the the I feel like with autistic kids, the key is consistency. Like you have to be consistent with them, especially when you're trying to teach them like new behaviors. But it does be hard. It does be hard sometimes. That's why I said it takes a it takes a village. Like some of y'all be out here scared to ask for support when you need it. Girl, go out there and ask. Ask.

SPEAKER_05 44:26

I think a lot of times with like autistic kids, and I'm guilty of this too with my son. I feel like a lot of times it's hard for us to say no, and we kind of we kind of like give in to the bad behaviors just because we want to get them to shut up or we want to get them to stop, you know, to start listening in the moment. And I'm guilty of that too. Like sometimes when Legend is having a meltdown, even though I know he doesn't deserve the iPad, but first of all, let's just start right here. Autistic kids are very smart and they know what they're doing. So it's never a time when he's having a meltdown, and I'm like, oh, he doesn't know what he's doing. He knows exactly what he's doing.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

I said earlier, I have said earlier in the show that their behaviors are a way of communication. It's just it's just like me saying, you know what I'm saying? I'm not like I'm not fucking with this right now. I don't feel like doing it, you know what I'm saying? He just don't know how to say those exact words. But what his actions are showing you right in that moment is that he don't fuck with that right now. He don't want to do that, you know what I'm saying? Right. And go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 45:39

A lot of times, a lot of times he'll be having one of his episodes, and I know he don't deserve the iPad in that moment because he's not listening, he's not doing what he's supposed to do, he's not following the direct directions. But I'm like, just take the iPad, take the iPad because in that moment I'm overwhelmed. I just want to shut him up, and I want him to just run off and get out my face off the fence room. And I feel like that helps in the moment, but in the long run, you're rewarding the behavior, and they know, like, oh, I could just act up, and my mother just gonna still give me the iPad. Yeah, they're autistic, but they are extremely smart and extremely calculated, and they know what they're doing. He knows if I act out for a certain amount of time, my mother is gonna give in, she's gonna give me the iPad, she's gonna give in, she's gonna give me the Oreos, she's gonna give in, she's gonna give me the Takis, the cheese doodles, all the things I'm like not deserving.

SPEAKER_00 46:34

Because they're autistic, because he's autistic, that his sense of that, like it's kind of heightened and like you know what I'm trying to say. I feel like like like like take his brother, for instance. Like, if you tell him no, you know what I'm saying? Like, he won't really like you, he won't if he does something and then you eventually tell him yeah, I don't think that he would necessarily pick up on that pattern, like of like how to manipulate you like that. You know what I'm saying? I feel like autistic kids know that they pick up on how state they can manipulate. How to manipulate the out of you, and they will do it and they pick up on that. I don't know, they pick up on that faster than a normal child would. Like they know how to to use that against you, like that's that's so crazy. It's like what she said that's how always my clients she manipulates the fuck out of her parents.

SPEAKER_05 47:27

They are master manipulators, he does things knowing that he's not supposed to do it. He'll he'll my room is the room in the back, my room is the last room in the house. He'll walk back here peeking to see what I'm doing, to see if I'm laying down, if I'm resting. Because in his head, it's like, all right, she's laying down, she's not about to get up. She looked like she out for the day. So and he'll go out there and do some shit that he's not supposed to do. Because now, mind you, we done came back here and checked to see what I'm doing to make sure I'm not up, to make sure I'm not walking out my room. He came back here, oh, she's laying down. I'm about to go out there and mess up something or play with the water or play with something I'm not supposed to play with. He knows exactly what he's doing, he's calculated, and he's a master manipulator. When I go out there and I catch him in the middle of doing something that he's not supposed to do, he'll hurry up and run and sit down as if he's not caught. Mind you, the evidence all is all over him. Playing in the powder, doing things that he's not supposed to do. It not even just the powder, anything. He could be playing in the water. It's it's been times where I've went out there and he's playing with the syrup and have syrup all over him, all types of crazy things. But I'll catch him in the act, and with the evidence all over him, he'll run and sit down on the couch couch and act like nothing happened, or he'll hear my footsteps walking out there and he'll act like he'll run, like I didn't do nothing, but you already caught. But it's the fact that he came back here to see what I'm doing first before he did the thing that he knew he wasn't supposed to be doing.

SPEAKER_00 49:03

They smart as fuck, girl. I want to ask you, when did you first realize your child might have special needs?

SPEAKER_05 49:15

I knew early on, I feel like when he was a couple of months old. So, like I said, he's a twin, and they were born two months early. And my daughter is 16. So when they were born, she was already six. So me already being a mom and having friends with kids, me seeing how kids develop, and I know you know, kids develop at different paces and everything, and uh, but me seeing how my daughter developed and having uh another baby his age, his twin, seeing how he was developing, he was a little bit behind, he wasn't doing things that a normal child his age would do for that. So even though all kids, you know, they develop and do things at different paces, walk, talk, and they do things at different places. I just noticed that he was a little bit different, and he was a little bit delayed. So that was when he was like a couple of months. I think but before he turned one, and I tried to get him evaluated when he turned one, and it was like, no, you have to wait until he's two. And I was like, all right, well, I'ma wait as soon as he's two, I'm gonna get him evaluated, and I already knew what the results would be because I already knew something you know was a little off, and yeah, I got him diagnosed with autism when he was two. I wasn't shocked at the results because I already knew that something was going on with him, so I wasn't shocked at all. Yeah, so I knew early on from a couple of months old, but I didn't officially get in in writing until he was two years old.

SPEAKER_00 50:55

And that kind of leads me into my next question. Like, was that something that was emotional for you? Like, was that an emotional time?

SPEAKER_05 51:04

Um definitely, yeah, even though I was aware that something was different, I you know, I wasn't shocked at the results when they said, Oh, yes, he does have autism. I knew it, but I think the emotions came with me just thinking about his future, thinking about, well, you know, he's a twin. You know, when his brother is doing this, is he gonna be able to do this too, or is he gonna have certain restrictions because he's autistic? Is his autism gonna be severe as he grows? Is you know, I just had so many emotions running through my head at the time. But once I found out he was autistic, I got him the help that he needed immediately. So he started getting the ABA therapy, the physical therapy, the speech therapy. He started getting all of the services.

SPEAKER_00 51:54

I forgot earlier in the episode that the first call of action once you get your child diagnosed is to get ABA services. You must get those services. Oh excuse me, you must get those services like you have to, like it's right, it's importantly important that you get those services. It's important.

SPEAKER_05 52:19

Don't wait last minute. As soon as you find out, start the services right away because it definitely helps. I feel like in my son's case, though, he was doing so well, he was doing so well and making so much progress until COVID hit and when school closed down. So he wasn't able to get his services. They were trying to do it on, you know, over Zoom, but he wasn't sitting down to participate. So him not getting his speech, him not getting his ABA. I think school closed down for COVID that Friday, which was March 13th, or that Monday, which was March 16th. By April, he had regressed and declined so much that he was like a completely different child. By April, by the mid the middle of April, he was a completely different child than what he was in the middle of March. The behavior, the speech, everything just declined. He regressed so much, and that was 2020. We're in 2026, and we're still trying to get him back to where he was. He's made a lot a lot of progress over the years, but he's still not that to he was in 2020, and that was six years ago.

SPEAKER_00 53:37

Yeah, so I know that was like a challenging time for you. But there's some what were some what was some of the first challenges you faced navigating motherhood in this situation?

SPEAKER_01 53:57

So like no, okay.

SPEAKER_00 54:02

So like when you when you first got his diagnosis, like what were some of the challenges that you faced? Like, because this was like your new normal, right? Like this is like as you know it. What were some of the challenges that you faced?

SPEAKER_05 54:17

I feel like some of the first challenges was just dealing with the fact that he wasn't, he couldn't talk the way you know. I'm used to his brother talking, and used, you know, to my six-year-old at the time talking. He wasn't able to communicate what he wanted at that time. He was trying to talk and trying to say little things because he wasn't always nonverbal. So this is when I first went out about the diagnosis. So this is when he was two. He couldn't talk, he couldn't express himself, so he got frustrated a lot, and that led to him misbehaving and acting out because he's frustrated. I can't tell my mother what I want, I can't express to her what I want. She's not knowing what I want, so she's not giving me what I want. So just I think a big the uh the biggest challenge was just the lack of communication in him and his behavior because he couldn't communicate to me what he wanted. And it took me a long time, you know. I'm his mother, but he was still young, so it took me a long time to figure out how to communicate with him to figure out the things that he wanted, even though he couldn't, you know, express them to me verbally.

SPEAKER_00 55:28

Right. Um I definitely understand that I could see I said that earlier, like you know, a lot of the times, some of the most of the times like the behaviors are triggered because a lot of the triggers because they can't, you know, communicate is like it gets frustrated, you know what I'm saying? Right, and also it can get frustrating for the parents too, because it's like you acting out, I don't know, you're trying to tell me what you want, I don't know what you want. I like I can't understand you, you know what I'm saying? So I could definitely understand how was that dynamic like as far as you had because we have two other children, like how was like how did that like affect your relationship? I want I guess I would say like with the other kids, as like you know, with the other kids in household.

SPEAKER_05 56:26

I feel like sometimes it's a lot of not even sometimes, a lot of times it's overwhelming for them as well. Like having a special need sibling. I feel like he's nine, his twin brother is nine now. So his twin, his twin brother, he doesn't, he he does, he's not on the spectrum at all. He's a little grown man. He thinks he's his brother's father. He's he he's that's a whole nother different story, but he he's older now, so he understands like okay, my brother is different. He doesn't get as frustrated with him. He has a lot of patience for his brother, even though his brother gets on his nerves because he's always messing with his game or touching his stuff, or you know, he understands, but he's he's human, so and he's nine and he does have feelings, so sometimes he does get frustrated. My 16-year-old, she understands, but she gets frustrated a lot more because she's older and he gets in her room, she'll be in the shower. Now she started locking her door, but he'll go in her room, he'll get in her perfume, get in her lotions, and he's in there jumping on her bed. And so she'll just get out the shower and just start going off. And she has her moments when she's just like, Oh my god, I hate him. And I'm like, Don't say that, you know. You love your brother, he's different. So I feel like it's difficult for um my other two children, but nonetheless, they love their brother, they know he's different, they're understanding, but we're all human. You know, I'm I get frustrated with his little ass too, but I love my son, and some you know, sometimes I'm overwhelmed, and I'm just like, yo, I can't fucking stand this little boy. Like, oh my god, I'm just he needs to just go live with his father, like you know, it's overwhelming, but I love my son, so I understand I'm an adult, and they are children, so I you know, it's even you know, for them to just be so understanding of the situation, especially his twin, you know, and at nine, he's so mature about the situation, even when we're outside, and somebody'll be like, Oh my god, they look so cute, and then my son will be like, You talking to my brother, he don't even talk, like it's just so funny. But he he knows, like, okay, my brother doesn't talk, my brother is different, or he'll be like, My brother is autistic. Why are you saying that to him? He can't answer you back. He's so funny with it, but he's fully aware that his brother has autism, his brother is non-verbal, he speaks for his brother when they are in a public side.

SPEAKER_00 59:03

Okay, well, I love that, and you know I love, you know, I love her. Man, like that's my little he is. That little boy is crazy. Both of them is crazy. All her kids got like their own personality, and that's and I'm happy that you know they are able to, you know, kind of help you, like it be, help you, they they're able to be a part of your support system. And it kind of leads me into my next question. Like, did you feel like you had enough support in the beginning?

SPEAKER_05 59:44

I don't I don't feel like I did. I feel like because me being I feel like having a special needs child, you're you're protective of your child, especially when your child can't talk. So it's been even if the help was there or the support was there, it's just like I you know, I held him close to me because I'm like, you know, he can't talk, he can't express what's going on if somebody hurts him, and you know, I also feel like his father is active, but I feel like I feel like the dads don't really, they don't have the patience to deal with a special needs child. Not all, but some of them don't. And I feel like not only do they not have the patience, they just don't know how to handle it, they get overwhelmed quickly. Me and their dad is not together, so you know, we're living in two separate households. So I am the parent that has my, you know, I have my son a majority of the time, most of the time. So, you know, I'm accustomed to him, I know how to deal with him, I know his needs, his wants. You know, he's non-verbal, but now I'm at he's nine. So over the years, I know what he wants. I know when he makes certain noises, that means that, or he'll come to me and pull me to what he wants, even if he can't say it. So I don't feel like this me not having the support was like intentional. I just feel like people just some people just don't know how to deal with special needs children. And I feel like a big fear for me and other parents that have children with special needs is you know, sending a child someplace and they're not received and they're not loved and they're not protected, and you not knowing because the child can't express that. And there's situations, and you know, that this has never been my experience, but you you see so many things on the news where a special needs child is somewhere with a family member, and that person doesn't know how to deal with that specific behavior, and they end up hurting the child, hitting the child, or becoming so enraged with the child because they're frustrated at the behavior, and I just you know, I wouldn't wish that on anybody, but I've seen things like that happen on the news, so yeah, I feel like legend school, the support system from his school, top notch 10 out of 10. I would highly recommend. He is in a uh special specialized school, district 75 school in the Bronx, and the staff, the teachers, down to his para, they have been like the biggest support system with him throughout the years. Like I love them down, legend loves them down, so I feel like even though it's overwhelming, they they have definitely been part of Legend's village.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:44

So it like, do you recommend those types of schools like like for kids with special needs?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:51

I definitely do because they get all of the services that they need. He's in a classroom with six other kids and a teacher and like two different paras, and then he has a parrot on the bus because he was misbehaving on the bus and scratching the matron and scratching the driver. So for safety issues and safety reasons, we had to get him a parrot for the bus. But to piggyback on for the support system thing, I also wanted to add in that my legend's dad's girlfriend, she has her her little brother is autistic as well. He's grown, but he's younger than her, he's in his 20s. So she has been such an amazing part of my village when it comes to my son. Because I feel like a lot of times being in a relationship with a man that has a special need child, when a child comes around, you don't know how to deal with that, you frustrated, you kind of like overwhelmed. She has welcomed my son with open arms and she's so patient with him, she's so kind. When I tell you, she loves my son. There's times where now they're a set of twins. There's times where she's like, Hey, I'm gonna come get legend today and not landing because my friend, her son, or my co-worker, her son is autistic and he's having a birthday party at Sky Zone, and it's during these hours, which they're just specifically closed, they're just specifically they're closed off to everybody else, but like for these two hours, they open, you know, only to the special needs kids, so it's like a sensory-friendly time just for those specific kids. Yeah, she comes and gets my son, she comes and gets both twins, but she comes and gets just my autistic son sometimes just to take him to events by himself with other autistic kids, and she's patient with him. She even when he's acting out, she just displays so much patience and love and kindness towards my son, and I really shout her out for that because that's that's rare, that's rare. Having being in a relationship with somebody with a special needs son and they're having behaviors. My son is nine, and he's still not using the bathroom on the toilet. My son is still in pull-ups, nighttime underwear. So even she's over there. When my son is over there, she's changing him, she's wiping his ass. You know what I'm saying? And it's never uh, oh my god, I don't want to do this, or she she's sending her son over here. We gotta, it's none of that. She welcomes my son with open arms, and he loves her just the same.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:30

And the fact that she don't have to do it, she does, she doesn't have shout out to her, shout out to her, shout out to her.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:37

And like I said, she her one of her siblings is autistic, and he's older now, but she can relate to the struggles, like so she knows, and she's definitely been a big support. So, shout out to her, she's a real one, and I trust my son with her. You know, sometimes you can't trust your kids going to these girlfriends' houses, they be bitter. They be over there pinching your kids, not treating your good your kids good. That girl loves my kids.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:04

And nowadays, nowadays they ain't even they're not even pinching child. You be lucky they pinch your child.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:10

They these weird ass nothing but they taking it, they they yeah, they taking your kids out, taking your kids straight up out of here. It's sad the amount of times you see these type of stories on the news. It's sad. There's a whole story in Brooklyn about a lady and her autistic son, and he's just missing, and nobody knows where he's at. She got locked up, they let her out of jail, he's missing, and that's just it. Like she's not even being charged anything, like he's just missing, and the neighbors, you know, they were witnesses to you know him screaming, him crying in an apartment, and then one day just not hearing him anymore and never seeing him again, and it's just a mystery.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:58

And then so nobody's not investigating.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:02

No, they were, but they let her out of jail, and there's been no word from the little boy. I feel like a lot of these people, not everybody, but some people are just not meant to deal with those situations, and it's unfortunate that instead of getting your child help, you just so overwhelmed that you hurt your child. It's unfortunate.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:24

Yo, I said that earlier. I really said, yo, I was like, Y'all be so scared to ask for help, or I don't know if you're embarrassed to ask for help or what it is, but don't be girl, go and get the help. You gotta get the help.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:43

You gotta get the help, you gotta get the help. Or if you feel like you can't, first of all, we're living in an era where you can drop your child off to the precinct and to the fire station, no questions asked. You can drop your child off, no questions asked if it's too overwhelming for you. Meaning, zone. They hurting these kids. You can drop your child off at the police station right now, no note, no name, no nothing. Free of charge, and you could just walk away and start a new life if you feel like being a mother is too overwhelming. No questions, fucking asked, but instead knowing that you dropping your child off to you know, the police department, the fire department, and you knowing that you know your child will be safe and out of harm's way. Instead of doing that, you harm your child because you can't deal with it. I would never have that. Yeah, you see so many stories on the news. It's to the point where I'm so tired of seeing these type of stories on the news. I can't even watch the news anymore. It's depressing how many people are hurting their children. I think not. Did you hear about the two girls in the suitcase that just got found? No, yeah, two little girls, eight and like ten and like eight years old. Their mother killed them and put them in a suitcase. Black lady just put them in the suitcase and just toss their bodies in the woods. This was like last week.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:19

You see, um, this is why I honestly don't wash your nose because shit like that is sad, and that's like that. It really makes me mad because why not just give the like you have so many opportunities to get help? Why not just get the help? Why take the girl? Let's go ahead and how did let me ask you, how did your expectations of motherhood change?

SPEAKER_05 1:09:51

My expectations of motherhood, they always they it it always changes. I feel like, first of all, when you're pregnant and you're becoming a mother for the first time, it's no way to prepare yourself, you don't know what to expect. You just thrown out there to the wolves and you just winging it and learning. And I'm my oldest is 16 and I'm still learning, and I'm still setting expectations, and I'm still, you know, I still have some disappointments, and oh, I should have done this differently, or I should have done this differently. So I would just say it's not even just expectations, it's just a learning experience overall, even with grown children, even with my my oldest being 16. 16 years later, I am still learning and still setting the bar higher and higher, and setting expectations and learning from my last mistake, and learning, oh, I should have done this differently, I should have done that differently. So it's a learning experience, and I'm just you know, I set my expectations high, higher and higher over time.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:57

Let me ask you have what are some emotional struggles people don't always talk about when raising a special needs child. Like like some things that they like emotional struggles that they don't talk about.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:21

It's just very it's it's it's mentally draining. It's mentally draining, it's emotionally draining, it's physically draining. I think a lot of I feel like a lot of special mean needs mom. I feel like they want to talk about it, but I feel like they don't have the safe space to talk about it. Um, so a lot of times they hold it in or keep them keep it to themselves, or maybe they they feel like damn, you know, I don't wanna I don't wanna say these things or I don't want to sound negative. Like I feel like there are times where I'm just like, damn, like I'm so fucked up and I'm you know feeling overwhelmed at the moment, and I'm just like, yo, I wish my son was normal. I wish my son was normal. I feel like a lot of times our special needs moms want to say that out loud, but we don't because it's just like, you know, what you mean when you wish your son was normal? But it's like it's a real thing. This is this is real. I wish my son was normal. I mean that I wish my son did not have autism, I wish my son was able to talk, I wish he was verbal, I wish he was just living a normal life to where he's, you know, just like his brother, just a normal nine-year-old with no type of diagnosis. I wish that. And I feel like a lot of special needs moms wish the same thing, but they don't they won't say it out loud. So I think I speak for all of us because nobody ever wants their son or nobody ever wants their child to be diagnosed, you know, with anything, let alone autism or being non-verbal. So emotionally, it's a lot, and I think uh I think like I've accepted that my son is autistic. I I've accepted that he's different. I've I've accepted that when my other kids move out the house, maybe he's gonna be with me for the rest of his life. Like, you know, I've accepted that. I I would say one thing that I think about often, and it makes me sad, and not even sad in a bad way, but just sad, just like damn. Like, you know, I wish because you never know what the future holds, but I always think about my son's future. I think about what's like how is he gonna be when he's 40? How is he gonna be when he's this age? And like I said, like me thinking about my other two children, they're gonna be out the house, they're gonna be married, having children, living their lives, and not to say that my autistic son can't do that because we never know what the future holds, but I think about right now, I think about the future how he is now being non-verbal, not being able to do certain things for himself, still not using the toilet. It's been a struggle, you know, getting him to use the toilet home and at school. So I think about these things in his future, and it's kind of just like, damn, you know, like I just wish he was able to have certain experiences. But like I said, we don't know what the future holds. He may be able to do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:20

One day will we one day he will. I know he will.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:24

Like, I know one day he will. When the other two kids is out the house, me and Legend are gonna be on vacation at the beach sipping my ties, okay?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:34

Zooming our big one.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:35

Zoom and our big one. He's gonna be with me, and we're gonna be just living our best lives. Him, he probably gonna have like a uh an aid or something. That person could come on vacation too. We're gonna have a good old time, and I'm gonna make sure he lives the life that he is supposed to live.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:54

How do you take care of your own mental health while also taking care of your child or your children?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:02

I pray, I pray because sometimes I feel like I'm gonna lose my mind, so I feel like praying definitely keeps me sane. I feel like when I'm overwhelmed, sometimes as mothers, we put being a mother before anything, and we're supposed to, but in the process of doing that, we kind of lose ourselves, and that has happened to me. I've been mothering so much that I'm just a mother and nothing else. But it's like, no, I'm a mother, I'm Ashley, I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, a friend, I'm a cousin, I'm so many things, and I it's like you know, it's dangerous to lose your identity to being a mother because you still, you know, your whole world cannot just revolve around your kids, you're gonna go crazy, you're gonna go crazy. So I'm learning now, all these years later, that I'm doing a good job. It's okay to be overwhelmed, it's okay to be stressed, but I can't beat myself up. When I gotta close that door and tune those kids out, as long as they're not out there setting my house on fire, I'm gonna close that door and I'm gonna tune those kids out for a couple of hours and get my head together because I don't yell and I don't scream and I don't do all of that anymore. I'm stressing myself out. I'm stressing myself out when it's when when I'm feeling like okay, they need to go to their father's house this weekend. I need some me time, and I don't mean, and when I say me time, it don't even necessarily mean getting dressed up and going out. Sometimes I just need to have a day or two to myself. Yeah, to just reset, to just reset some and and and like I said, I when they go to their father's house, I may go out for drinks and dinner with my friends, or I might just lay in the bed and do nothing.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:05

That's my prerogative, but mentally I have I know now when to step back and when to reset so that I'm not going crazy with these damn kids, and I think that that's important, I think that that's important also because if you're not all the way there, you can't be you can't be all the way there for the kids, right? So I feel like ultimately the kid is gonna suffer, the kids is gonna suffer in the long run, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05 1:17:40

So it's good to do that.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:42

He done came in here iPad all out in the background, but anyway, honestly, girl, we've been on here for 42 minutes, and I'm surprised that he lets you out.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:56

Oh no, no, yeah, no, for because you know how 42 minutes is a long time. I'm surprised it took him 42 minutes to even come in here and see what's going on because he don't like me having my door closed, he don't like it at all, but yeah, it's challenging. But can you stop? Um I'm making a video about you. I'm talking about you, legend.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:22

Do you feel society understands what parents, especially in children, experience?

SPEAKER_05 1:18:29

No, not all the time. I feel like I'm sure it's common sense for them to know, okay, it's it must be challenging, but they they don't know how challenging it is. I feel like if you haven't lived it personally, then you definitely don't know how challenging it is, and I just it could be worse, you know what I'm saying? Because even me, I have my special needs son, but I see people that have children like cerebral, what is it, cerebral palsy or children in wheelchairs, and children that you know they can't talk, they can't move, they can't do anything. And I'm you know, and in that moment, I put myself in their shoes like that. You know, I'm I'm overwhelmed with with my son and his disability. I can only imagine how how they're feeling having to have 24-hour care for their children. Yeah, so I feel like society has an idea, but they they don't they don't really know unless you're raising a child with special needs, you don't really know how how difficult it is.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:41

Yeah, like at my school when it comes to the children with special needs, you know, I be especially my client, you know, she like wanna do whatever.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:54

But honestly, there's levels to the special, you know, there's levels to it.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:59

But I can say I feel like the new gen, like this new generation is really kind of like they they saw the team, they understand everything because the kids like at my squad, I'm in a junior high school, they also like accepted and loving of like the special needs kids, like they be tapping them up, and you know, hey, such and such, hey, you know, like just showing them so much love, and I really, I really, really, really, really like that. I just got like a few more questions for you, then we're gonna go ahead and wrap this thing. What have you had to learn about advocating for your child? Like, what what's something that you had to learn about advocating for your child?

SPEAKER_05 1:20:43

I had to learn how important advocating for your child is, especially a non-verbal child. I'm his voice, right? I'm his voice. That's that's that's it, and that's all. Like being the voice for your child when they can't be the voice for themselves is very important because you pretty much dictate what's going on in their life for them. So you want the best for them, you want what's in their best interest because they can't express that, so you have to express it for them, and that's that's it. That's the word, that's the answer to the question. You have to be a child's voice.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:28

I know that's right, and and lastly, I just want to ask what advice would you give other parents starting a channel?

SPEAKER_05 1:21:40

I would say that don't I would say don't give up hope. Don't think this is the end or be all, don't hear an autism spectrum diagnosis and think that's just it. Don't think that. Once you get that diagnosis and you start the proper procedures and the the proper therapies, and you start getting the help your child needs right away, your child can progress. I'm not saying grow out of the autism, I'm saying they can progress and they can do the things that they need to do and learn the things that they need to learn and the skills that they need to learn early on, so that down the line they're not declining. The autism is not, you know, there's levels to autism. So if you start your child getting the therapy, the avatar speech and everything early, they can get to a point where they can be in like a regular set in classroom. You understand? Like they don't have to necessarily be in a special class, a special needs class or a special ed school just because they have autism. So I would just say don't give up hope, don't don't give up on your child, pour into your child. Don't think an autism diagnosis means that your child can't excel because your child's not the end of the world, it's not the end of the world, and uh and and and and it's hard, and people deal with hearing a diagnosis worse than others. Just you know, when I heard the diagnosis, like I said, I already knew something was different, so it was just like, okay, I already knew that. But some people they hear that diagnosis and they're like, Oh my god, like my child is autistic, what am I gonna do? Some people sadly don't even get their children help, some people don't even have an evaluation to get a diagnosis. So their child has autism, and the child will just go on years and years and years, and they don't they're not even getting the child the help that they need. Yeah, which is sadly that that does happen, but I would just say don't give up on your child, pour into your child any services that's recommended, like I said, you're their voice. So any services that are recommended, any services that are not being offered that you feel needs to be offered, you speak up for your child, speak up for your child.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:16

Let me ask you how you feel about like like medication, like as far as like that.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:22

Like, um, I feel like if your child, so legend also has ADHD, he was diagnosed with ADHD in addition to the autism, so that contributes to his behavior, and he does take medication for that, and it does help with his behavior, and I think it's beneficial because without the medication, he's just out of his body, he's tired, and he can't help it, he can't control it. The medication kind of brings him down to where he can focus, he can relax his brain. Without it, he's just you can see in his eyes like I'm tired, mommy, but I can't slow down. So I feel like if you're gonna go the medication route, it's nothing wrong with that. Every child is different, every child may not need medication. Mine does, and he takes it, it's beneficial to him at home, it's beneficial to him at school, it's not a magic cure. He still has his behaviors with it, but it's not as bad. So if you're gonna go the medication route, do it. If you feel like that's best for your child, do it. Don't let you know, we're coming from a generation of parents that don't even believe autism and ADHD is a real thing, so they'll try to deter you and oh, don't put that baby on no medication or the I don't listen to nobody with the body.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:40

The reason why I said is because you know, like I work with kids, and a lot of times the parents be like, Oh no, I'm not the medication dude, and I'm like, Can't nobody tell me. They need a medication. This is why they the behavior, you know what I'm saying? Like, why do you think they at home bouncing off the wall and doing this and doing that and being a big thing?

SPEAKER_05 1:26:00

And it's not even just about not wanting to deal with the behavior. I look at my son when he's not on his medication, that baby be tired, but he can't sit down and rest his little brain or rest his little body because he can't, he can't, like he can't. He's literally like like his eye, like you can look at him and it's uh I know when it's time to give him his medication, his body just needs to wind down, and also I just want to also add in there because I think we forgot to bring this up. My son was diagnosed with epilepsy February 2025. So the medication is beneficial in a way that him being hyper and his body overheating too much from him being hyper can trigger one of his seizures. So the medication also is beneficial for that as well. But yeah, if you gotta put your child on medication for any reason, do it. It's okay to take suggestions from people, but don't let nobody tell you what to do and what not to do with your child or what's best for your child. They don't live in your household, they don't live in your household when you send your child to family members' houses or to this person's house or anywhere, they give them back. You understand? They're not dealing with this on a daily. I deal with this sun up to sundown. Sun up to sundown. My son wakes up four or five o'clock in the morning every single day. I'm his mother, he lives in the house with me. So you may get him for a couple of hours and be like, oh, he's not that bad, or no, he didn't really do too much. Okay, maybe that day he was a little calm, but I deal with this every day, and I know what's best for my son, and I know he needs his medication. And like I said, coming from you know, a lot of African American families, a lot of elders in the families, they don't believe in the medication route. They don't owe, they don't even believe that ADHD and Is like a real thing. A lot of elders in the African American African American communities are ignorant to the fact when it comes to the ignorant to the fact when it comes to this shit. It's not intentional, it's not their fault, but they're coming from an era that you know ain't no such thing as autism, ain't no such thing as ADHD. It is because it's an imbalance in this person's brain. It's just like depression. A person with a person that's not dealing with depression, they don't understand depression. So they're gonna tell you, oh, depression is not a real thing. That's you could no, if you're not dealing with it and you don't you've never experienced it hands-on, can't tell me that it's not a real thing, but yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:46

And also, I feel like motherfuckers is something we want to educate themselves just and learn. If you learn, because it's it's it's actually it's the studies, the studies is out here. You can really get on Google and find out the information that you're looking for to prove that this shit is real, but always do your research, always do your research.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:06

My son is on, we've tried different medication combos for him throughout the years, and I've always done my research on the medicines, I've always looked into the side effects. You have to do your research because you know, especially now, he's he has seizures now, so certain things, certain medications could trigger seizures. So I'll if his doctor recommends something, I don't just say, Okay, I look it up, get back to the doctor within the next few days, and then we try that. If that doesn't work, then you know we'll take it from there. But advocate for your kids if you need to do the medication route, do it, do what's best for your child, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Because at the end of the day, you have to deal with this, and you can't kill yourself or drive yourself crazy trying to, you know, manage your special needs child. It's hard, it's hard. So you have to make things a little bit easier for you, and if there's other children in the household, it could be overwhelming for them as well, it could be over well, it's overwhelming to my son as well, and he's the person going through it, but he doesn't understand it when I say he's you know hyper and he can't control himself. You know, I know when it's time to give him his medication so that he can blind down and just relax his body. Yeah, it's a lot, but he can't express that, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:32

Well, Ashley, I really appreciate you coming on and talking to us today.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:38

He's telling me he wasn't juice. He just came and bought, huh? Okay, I'm coming. It was Legend Cameo, Leg Auntie is tired.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:54

I'm tired, bitch. I'm not gonna hold you. I'm so tired. So we're about to wrap this up.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:00

Yes, thanks for having me. And this was like a real life conversation, and I hope that this helps somebody, and I hope that somebody listened to what I said, and you know, just really have different perspectives on being a special needs parent, even if you're not a special needs parent. Put some respect on our names because it's hard to do. I feel like, yeah, because I feel like it's uh listen, it's a few girls that's on my timeline that could definitely benefit from this because they know who they are, or even I can see it's people in my where I live in my building, and I can see something you know what's going on with their child, and just walking up conversation in an elevator, and then they'll be like, Yeah, you know, my son is autistic, and I'll be like, Oh my legends. You know, we take it from there, but okay, girl, let me go. Let me um, it's Sunday. I got some clothes in the laundry. You see, I got my topicals. This is what moms do, and okay, girl, but thank you again. I didn't get dressed up for I didn't get dressed up for my interviews. This is my real life on Sundays. I'm in bed, I'm washing clothes, I'm getting home, I'm about to cook something, I got my patches on, and thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:20

That's just what we're doing. That's what we're doing. It's it's just this is City Girls in real life. So, all right, girl, but thank you so much. And I'm gonna highlight you later. I'm gonna text you. Bye.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:31

All right, all right. Wait, how do I hang out? How do I get out?

SPEAKER_00 1:32:43

All right, y'all. So that's all I got for y'all. My son over here, my son, my son, baby over here, he yelled on my name today. Today, and I'm also taking a nap because I'm tired. Thank you so much for coming in, and this is City Girls IRL.